Froctober

That’s my proposed name for this month. I propose that we declare the entire month of October as a Friday. It has certainly felt like a Friday every day since the start of the month.

I announced my proposal to my cubemates earlier today, and mere minutes later, someone sent a message to an internal mailing list for stuff for sale:

Subject: FREE: banana

Better hurry, its rotting quickly.

Obviously someone else feels the same way. ;)

Update:

Lots of people have replied to the banana thread, but the best reply (from the original poster) is:

Subject: RE: FREE: banana

Because this generated so much interest and people are really want to know, “how rotten is the banana?”. I put up a webcam so everyone can watch this banana rot away.

You can see a capture here:

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Stealing Shopping Carts

It seems to be a California thing. I’ve never seen it happen so frequently anywhere else. I remember after first moving here, I wondered how it was that shopping carts get distributed all over town, so far from the stores. I figured it must have been homeless people… you often see homeless people with carts full of cans, bottles, etc.

Lately, however, I’ve noticed that what appear to be normal, sane people apparently walking to the store, buying more than they can carry, and taking the cart home with them. What .. the .. hell?

No, of course, they do not return them. I suspect that’s where the homeless people get them, not from the store, but from in front of people’s houses and apartments, where they left them. Maybe these people think there’s a cart pickup service? After all, when they leave the carts outside their front door, they disappear.

People are stupid.

Melodramatic Store Closures

Yesterday, Adrienne and I went to REI to get a couple more things for my bike, namely, a kickstand and a cargo rack thing. The store closed early, at 6pm instead of 9pm due to the holiday. We got there at like 5:55 and got our stuff and got out of there. On the way out, someone was trying to come in, and the greeter lady said “Sorry, we’re closed.” The response: He got down on his knees and screamed “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

We left, and as I was attaching the kickstand to my bike in the parking lot, we hear, from the direction of OfficeMax next door, in a familiar voice, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!” I guess they were closed too. ;)

One Night of Shopping

As I’ve mentioned before, the freaks seem to come out at night to go shopping. Last night, Adrienne and I went to Safeway and Walgreens. At Safeway we saw:

  1. A somewhat beat-up truck parked in the middle of 4 parking spots, haphazard and diagonal. The man who parked it appeared to be intoxicated.
  2. A woman who was extremely impatient to buy a giant bottle of Bacardi Rum.
  3. A man riding his shopping cart into the parking lot… why does driving the shopping cart bring out the child in everyone?

We went on to Walgreens, and behind us in line was this couple. The man, who seemed to be called “Boo” was groping the woman, and they were “whispering” (and I use that term lightly) sweet nothings. Of course they were talking loud enough for at least me to hear them, a few feet in front of them. Some excerpts:

Man: Come on baby…
Woman: Everything you can do for me, I can do for myself!
Man: Nuh uh baby, nuh uh
Woman: Oh yes, everything you can do, I can do myself!
Man: That’s not true…
Woman: Oh yes it is!

Woman: You got some pornos at your house?
Man: Uh huh
Woman: Mmm some booty movies
Man: Uh huh

[outside, in the parking lot, man still groping woman]
Woman: Stop, Boo! Fuck!
[fighting ensues, we exit quickly]

By the way, new categories for California and Freaks.

Grocery Shopping

California has a lot of freaks. I wouldn’t say that I’m the most normal guy in the world… but if you’re ever feeling abnormal, just move to California and all your fears of abnormalcy will subside. Tonight, while at the local Safeway, Adrienne and I saw the following:

  1. A drunk guy crashing his bike in the parking lot, then screaming and cursing at passing cars while he was trying (unsuccessfully) to get up.
  2. By far the weirdest thing of the night: There was a guy, whom we estimated to be around 35, with two girls that must’ve been maybe 18 at the most. He was taking them around the store and they were choosing food together. He was very friendly with them both, and they were giggling a lot. Sugar daddy? Nutritionist? Threesome? Father? I can’t figure it out.
  3. There was a homeless lady who had taken up camp at a table near one of the exits.
  4. Near the same exit with the homeless lady, we saw a completely done-up Elvis impersonator wandering around. He was cool.
  5. When we got in line to check out, the people behind us had spaghetti noodles and a container of sauce. We overheard the woman saying something like “should I put it up my shirt?”. When they got to the checkout, they paid for… just sauce. Spaghetti thieves?
  6. A guy renting a carpet cleaner, paying cash. Who rents a carpet cleaner at 10pm on a Friday night? A murderer?